So I had a free day today before starting work officially tomorrow. My friend Lyubov thought I should go into the city, do some shopping and then end my day relaxing in a glorious thermal bath. Great idea! Instead, I slept until almost 4 p.m. Nice. My body is not adjusting well to my new time zone.

Anywho, I decided at about 5 that I needed to venture out to the grocery as my cupboards are literally bare. I dutifully boarded one of the buses that Lyubov told me to and made it to the shopping center without incident. I roamed the grocery store trying to determine what certain mysterious canned goods were and attempting to learn some Hungarian words. Groceries bought and paid for, it was time to get back to my flat to have some dinner. And here’s where it all goes downhill. Again, I dutifully boarded the 44 bus for the CEU conf. center. Lyubov made sure to emphasize that I MUST take the 44 or 45 to return to our dorm-like building. A-ok, my Russian friend; I got this. After all, I am a woman of the world – a cosmopolitan wunderkind. No one else was on the bus. The driver approached me and started speaking to me in Hungarian. I immediately invoked the international “I don’t know what the fuck you’re saying” gesture by shrugging my shoulders and holding both hands palms up. Mr. Hungarian Bus Driver, mistaking me for a worldly person, asked me if I spoke German. Like an asshole, I make the international sign for “sort of.” Yeah, no I don’t. He proceeded to speak to me in German; I understood about every 20th word. Giving in to my utter uselessness, I showed him the address of the dorm and he shook his head yes. I felt relieved and sat down w/ my groceries.

As we tooled along in the dark, cold night I recognized nothing. The longer the ride went, the more clear it became that I was no longer anywhere near where I needed to be. At the final stop, Mr. Hungarian Bus Driver called me to the front of the bus w/ the international “get up here, idiot” sign. He spoke to me again in German. I showed him the address again and he shook his head no and seemed to feel badly for me. He proceeded to give me directions in German – again, I got about 3 words. After exiting the bus w/ my big grocery bags (America, Fuck Yeah!), I wandered about looking for taxis. Nothing. Nada. Not a one in sight. Then, finally, I saw what would be my salvation. Gleaming, colorful lights led me straight to my savior, Tesco! The British retailer could get me home, I just knew it! Inside the Tesco, I immediately approached a young woman at the cell phone kiosk thinking that young Hungarians, like young Germans, were more likely to know English. When I asked her if she spoke English, she returned the question with the most horrified look I have ever seen. Immediately realizing that she was a hater of capitalist pigs, I slowly backed away, keeping my eyes fixated on her to prevent her from making any sudden movements.

I backed myself right into a flower shop where I saw 3 youngish women working. I smelled the sweet scent of roses and heard a chorus of angels as I was approached by none other than Piroska (PEE-ROSH-KUH) or, Little Red Riding Hood as her name translates to in English. LRRH took pity on this stupid American and proceeded to tell me she had a friend in Salt Lake City (Book of Mormon fans will get a chuckle out of that). Not only did she call a taxi for me but she gave me her cell number so I could call her for any help I might need in the future. She waited with me until the cab arrived and then told the driver exactly where to go. Thank you for the fairy-tale save, LRRH! I got your back when the Big Bad Wolf shows up.

C